What I Want to Remember

What I Want to Remember

As an Human, I can look back into the past, through my memories, and into the future, through my logic (knowing that if I don’t die I have more time in front of me than just this moment). This sets us apart from many animals, who don’t understand their existence in time, and gives us the opportunity to decide what life we want to live.

Even though the moment is permanent, time passes and life keeps going. One day I will be an old lady, with memories and stories, only existing in my head. I won’t have much in front of me, everything will already be behind me and my life will only be a visualization of what has happened to me. Thinking about it is kind of strange, that what is my everything right now, will be a simple story one day.

What is it I want to remember when I am sitting there, old and finished with life?

What I find most important to remember is the smiles I have experienced, friends, family, strangers, anyone who might have showed me a moment of such beauty, because that is what I consider joy; Seeing others smile. I want to remember my strongest feelings of joy, but also my strongest feelings of pain, because without it joy would be useless. I want to look back at the contrast, the things I have gone through and feel grateful.
I want to remember the moments that I couldn’t believe, like my first experiences with love, drugs and friendship. I really hope I remember what my teen years was like, what becoming an adult after always being a kid was like. I never liked to be in it, but I love to look back, that’s one of the reasons I am fond of endings, not so much of the beginning of things.
I want to remember my amazing connections, with the amazing people within this world. But I guess now that I think about it, what I want to remember most of all, is the love. I want to remember the love I have shared and given, that has been offered to me over the years. I want to remember that incredible feeling of connection and joy so true. It was love that got me through it and I want love to be my end.

Even if life would really suck, I hope I still love, deeply, widely and in every way I can …

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